


I can feel your heart if you keep it close

by Masterofkarate



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Bad Parents, Charlie's POV, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, cuddling kissing gentlness u know the usual, fuck luther dude
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 08:45:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16615724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofkarate/pseuds/Masterofkarate
Summary: set right after mac finds his pride. frank tells charlie all abt what happened and charlie immediately shows up at mac's apt to be w/ his best friend (despite the distance that's grown b/w them)---------"We found an abandoned building, somewhere by the coastIt was the closest thing that we ever felt to homeThe sea waged war against usWe did not fearWe cut the bad roots from the bountiful treeConnected vines with our neighbors, so we all could eatWe tilled the field with loveTo guide each sprouting bean"-Home, The Unlikely Candidates





	I can feel your heart if you keep it close

**Author's Note:**

> hey idk why i can't make titles that aren't song lyrics. sorry not sorry.

Frank wandered home, still teary eyes, and explained the whole thing to Charlie. The wound that needed to bleed, the introduction to the dance, the dance, Luther leaving, Frank getting it, and exactly what it was when Frank got it.

Frank's rant was long he was so absorbed in his own words, he didn't notice Charlie changing and putting his shoes on.

When Frank was finished, he looked up to Charlie for a response, to see that Charlie was dressed and lingering by the front door. 

“What're you doin’?” Frank asked, frustrated in Charlie's seeming apathy at the situation.

“Oh, I gotta go see Mac,” Charlie answered with a shrug.

“No, no. C'mon, he had a rough day,” Frank dismissed, shaking his head.

“No. I have to see Mac.”

“Is this about the float, because if it is-”

“It's not about the float! Mac's my best friend! I gotta go be there for him!”

“Sure he's your best friend, Charlie, that's rich!” Frank laughed. “That's why he faked it for so long, only being able to show someone what he was feeling through a crazy dance!”

“You don't know shit, Frank!” Charlie shouted before storming out the door.

Charlie’s footsteps were quick. He was fired up, which wasn’t how he wanted to feel. But Frank fired him up. And Frank wasn’t wrong. He and Mac weren’t really best friends, hadn’t been for some time. They argue all of the time anymore. Even more than they used to, and much more genuinely. They team up less often too. They’re definitely still friends, but Charlie isn’t sure if they’re best friends. They’re probably not the sort of best friends who show up uninvited just to be a friend.

When was the last time he did something nice for Mac at all? He thought about the float. That was nice! He was gonna help Mac get some ass and help Paddy’s make some money. But that wasn’t really nice, because according to Frank, that’s not what Mac needed. Charlie doesn’t remember the last time he asked Mac what he needed. They were nice to each other sometimes, but not nice the way best friends are.

Definitely not in the come over uninvited just to be a friend way.

But Charlie was here now. There was no turning back.

His first knock was hesitant. Quiet.

No answer. 

Louder knock. 

No answer.

“C’mon man,” Charlie called out, leaving less pause between his knocks now.

Charlie fell inside when the door opened without warning.

“Hey man,” Charlie said after regaining his footing. He smiled, but looked anywhere but at Mac. He shouldn’t have come here.

“What’s up, man? If this is about me not being on the fl-”

“It’s not about the goddamn float! Why’s everybody think all I care about is the float?” Charlie shouted in response. He didn’t want to be fired up, but here he is, fired up.

“Because I’ve spent the past week avoiding this whole parade thing and you pushed it and pushed it anyway, you didn’t even ask me how I felt!”

“That’s why I’m here!”

“Yeah, ‘cause you care so much how I feel,” Mac’s shoulders dropped and he stepped back into the apartment, flopping down on the couch, defeated.

“I do man,” Charlie said. He remained standing, shuffling his weight from foot to foot as he looked at Mac, the coffee table separating them.

“Dude, no you don’t. You just care about the stupid scheme to make Paddy’s a gay bar again.”

“No, dude, I’m not here because of any stupid scheme. I’m here because Frank told me about today.”

“And?”

“I wanted to see how you were.”

“I’m fine, Charlie, I don’t even know why you came over.” Mac crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Charlie with an expressionless face.

“Listen, Mac, I could leave right now. I could go home and we never have to talk about it again and we can be shitty to each other for the rest of whatever’s bigger than forever and we can fight and be mad at each other for stupid shit all the time, or I can hang out and like be your friend for the first time in forever,” Charlie suggested. He kept his volume even. He was fired up, but he didn’t want to scream at Mac. His pitch may have wavered, higher and lower and then higher again, but he couldn’t help it. Damn it, their friendship is on the line!

“I’m just tired,” Mac sighed, head dropping down in defeat. After a moment of quietness, Mac looked back up at Charlie to ensure he hadn’t left.

Mac’s eyes always had this sadness behind them. Even when he was happy, they kind of looked like a dog’s eyes, you know, always begging for something it couldn’t have. But this was the worse kind of sadness. The sadness in Mac’s eyes looked like a dog, no longer begging for something, like a dog who wandered to the corner and laid down, accepting it would never have that scrap of food or whatever it is dogs beg for.

“I know dude,” Charlie mumbled. He walked towards Mac, stepping over his legs before sitting on the couch cushion next to Mac, sitting on the edge of the seat, bent over his own legs. “Dude, I’m really proud of you, though. I wish I was there, sounds like it was pretty cool.”

“It wasn’t cool,” Mac said in a monotone way, no fire behind his words. “I put myself out there, completely out there, and he didn’t even watch.”

“I know,” Charlie said quietly. He reclined in the seat. If Mac wasn’t relaxed, he would have to be. “But it’s cool that you did it, that you finished anyway.”

“I guess,” Mac shrugged.

“C’mon, dude. You don’t gotta be all tough, it’s just me,” Charlie told him.

“Yeah? Like you’re going to get it?” Mac asked with a dry laugh, not even smiling with it. He stood up and walked towards his bedroom. He shook his head. “Charlie, you’re not helping.”

Charlie followed Mac to his bedroom, standing in the doorway as Mac dramatically flopped down onto the bed.

“Then let me,” Charlie insisted, leaning against the doorframe, watching as Mac shifted to his side, facing away from Charlie. Mac’s legs curled up to his chest. Mac was so buff now, so strong and wide in a muscle-y way, but he somehow could make himself look so small right now. “Mac, I just want to be your friend.”

“What are you supposed to say, Charlie? What could you say that could possibly make me feel better?” Mac asked. 

Even though he was facing away, Charlie could immediately tell that he was either crying or about to be. Charlie couldn’t remember the last time he saw Mac cry. Fighting and screaming was usually Mac’s go to, even if he was sad. Charlie was sort of happy that he couldn’t see Mac. If he saw Mac crying, he’d probably cry right away. He hated seeing Mac hurt. It was probably good for him to actually be crying for once, but it still would hurt.

“I don’t know, dude. I don’t have to say anything if you don’t want. I can just like listen and shit, you know? You can just talk about it, or like, I can just sit here and give you company so you know you’re not alone. Or I can tell you all about how badass I think what you did today was. I can do whatever you need,” Charlie told him.

Mac didn’t answer, he pulled his head closer to his knees. His breath was very loud and shaky now. Charlie wasn’t sure if he was having a panic attack or if he was actually crying or if it was both or if it was neither. Charlie felt himself starting to panic. Maybe Frank was right. He shouldn’t have come over. He’s not Mac’s best friend, not a good best friend anyway.

Mac lifted one of his hands up, blindly waving it in the direction of the door. Charlie stood there confused for a moment before Mac said in a rough voice, “Close the door. Come here.”

Charlie moved so quickly the door slammed. He kicked his shoes off, knowing that if he got shoe-dirt on Mac’s bed, Mac would be pissed later. As soon as his shoes were off, he jumped on the bed.

Mac still lay on his side. It was muscle memory for Charlie. Even if the memory was from many years ago, his muscles still remembered. Charlie lined himself up behind Mac. His face was pressed against the back of Mac’s shoulders, the rest of his body pressed flush against Mac. Charlie put his arm over Mac’s waist, blindly reaching up for his hand, so they could hold hands as they lay like that.

“I fucking hate my dad right now,” Mac whispered, hand limp in Charlie’s hold. He was still crying. Sometimes he paused his words to sniffle or to take in a shaky and loud breath. “I haven’t done shit to him, I just wanted him to love me. He hates me. Not just ‘cause I’m gay. He’s just thinks he’s allowed to show me now.”

Charlie didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to confirm that Mac’s dad was a dick, that might make Mac more sad. Charlie pressed his arm down harder against Mac, wanting Mac to feel just how there Charlie was. He squeezed Mac’s hand and used his thumb to trace patterns (mostly circles) into the back of Mac’s hand.

“I felt so alone, dude. And scared. And I was finally not scared, and I’m still alone.”

“You’re not alone, dude,” Charlie whispered. “Like, I know it sucks not to have a dad that wants you as his son, but that doesn’t mean you’re alone. You’re the best dude I’ve ever met in the whole world and I love you and I get you and Frank gets you now and we’re here, Mac. You’re not alone.”

“It’s not the same,” Mac whispered.

“I know, but it’s all I got for you,” Charlie admitted. He tilted his chin up and placed a gentle kiss on the back of Mac’s neck, where his hairline started. 

It just felt so natural. They used to do this when they used to lay like this when they were young, before Mac got all concerned about being gay. Charlie paused, waiting to see if Mac would protest. Mac didn’t say anything, but he did tighten his hold around Charlie’s hand, returning the hand-holding now.

Charlie took it as a sign that it was okay. He lifted his head awkwardly and began to place soft, gentle kisses up the back of Mac’s neck until he reached Mac’s ear. When he was at Mac’s ear, he placed another little kiss right behind his ear and whispered, “I love you.”

After those words, Mac slowly shifted to his other side. Charlie lifted his arm enough to let Mac turn. When Mac was settled into facing Charlie, Charlie kept his hand over Mac’s waist. They were looking at each other. Mac’s eyes were still filled with tears. His nose was red and a little snotty. Charlie smiled a little bit and with his free hand, wiped off some of Mac’s snot with his fingers.

Mac cracked a smile for the first time since Charlie walked through the door. Probably for the first time since he got to the prison earlier that day.

“You’re gross,” Mac said before leaning forward to kiss Charlie’s lips.

When Mac pulled away, Charlie had a shit-eating-grin on his face. 

“Who’s more grosser? The person who’s gross or the person who kisses the gross person?”

“Shut up, dickhead,” Mac said, he laughed this time. It wasn’t a loud, belly-laugh, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

As Mac laughed, Charlie leaned forward and began placing little kisses on Mac’s cheeks and his nose and his forehead and wherever he could kiss. This made Mac laugh even harder. Eventually, Mac playfully pushed Charlie away. 

The two laughed for a bit. And then kissed for a bit. And then laughed for a bit. Charlie ended up on his back, Mac’s head on his chest. Charlie wrapped his arms around Mac and held him as closely as he could. 

Mac fell asleep first. He needed it. He was exhausted. Charlie, on the other hand, stayed up for a long time and tried to match his breath with Mac’s. He wondered if it was possible for their hearts to beat at the same time. He could feel Mac’s heartbeat, but he couldn’t feel his own. He wondered if Mac somehow took his heartbeat. Maybe that’s what people meant when they said that somebody had their heart.

As Charlie looked down at Mac, he started to wonder if this was the last time he’d hold him like this. When they were kids and teenagers, this wasn’t out-of-the-ordinary. The older they got, the more uncommon it was. Charlie didn’t remember the last time he even kissed Mac before today, maybe some time in high school. He never thought he’d get to hold Mac like this again. Maybe it wouldn’t be the last time. Maybe that Mac was out, but like really,  _ really  _ out, maybe they could do this again.

Charlie started wondering about Mac dating guys. If they’d have to stop again. What that would feel like, to have this back and then lose it. He was starting to get worried, but he was afraid that if he had Mac’s heart then Mac would have his and him getting panicky would wake Mac up. Instead of freaking out, he decided to give Mac little kisses to the top of his head. He was careful to be soft and slow with the kisses, not waking up Mac, just getting as many kisses as he could out of today.

**Author's Note:**

> this has been in my folder for like a week. i'd been working with it on and off, but when the eps first aired, the feelings were too many feelings to process.
> 
> anyway, this was my way with coping with mac finds his pride.
> 
> these two love each other a lot and that's the tea.


End file.
